Many men come into sex-positive culture with the fear of not being able to connect with other people. Here is a list of some of the things one can do as a man to have more fun and grow in these spaces:
1. Be okay with being vulnerable. It's inevitable that you will experience some emotional turbulence when entering these spaces and when interacting with people. Remember that everybody feels uncomfortable in these spaces at certain times and that not connecting at times is perfectly okay.
2. Accept that sometimes things will not go as you wish and be willing to learn from that. It's often very helpful to allow things to unfold, rather than try to make them happen. And when things don't work out, be prepared to think about what went wrong and don't be afraid to ask. People will usually answer honestly, if they don't feel threatened.
3. Don't be afraid to dress up a bit for parties and play spaces. Be courageous enough to wear something a bit crazy and outlandish at a party. It will get you attention from possible play partners.
4. Maintain an active and regular body-mind practice. The more you are in your body, the better lover you will be. Most of us today are stressed and overworked, addicted to our phones. So it is vital that we take time out to nurture our bodies and our nervous systems. We recommend especially yoga, dance, meditation, martial arts, as well as regular exercise (swimming, cycling, sport, etc).
5. Don't be afraid to learn some new skills. We promise it's not that difficult. The list of skills you can learn in sex-positive culture is endless: conscious communication, bodywork, rope skills, slow sex, breath-work, flogging, spanking, playfighting, sexy talk, genital touch or even electric play. Our festivals and workshops specialise in giving people opportunities to learn skills so as to best enjoy what sex-positive culture has to offer. Eroticism at some level is always an exchange. So if you have something to offer, people will be more attracted to you. Dare to offer what you have to give!
In love and lust,
Peter Kimberly Banki, Ph.D
PS Below is a video inquiring about why there are so few men leading in sex-positive spaces. This is something we at the school hope to change!